How peaceful does your inner world feel during the holidays? I mean, isn’t the saying “Peace on earth and goodwill will to men.” I used to think living in a peaceful world meant a place where there was no fighting or external battles or no one getting hurt. I now see that this is a clear side effect of what a peaceful world really is. Peace goes much deeper than how we show up in the world, it’s who we are on the inside first that brings us this outer peace that the world is desperately longing for.

When we have inner peace, we are naturally peaceful to everyone around us. It doesn’t have to be forced because it is who we are in our cells. If we are “acting” peaceful but are still feeling non-peaceful feelings on the inside, does that really count as peace? Sit on that for a few minutes and come up with your own thoughts on this but my answer is a clear and resounding no.

I love the holidays. When I can take a moment and really be present and connect, there’s magic in the air.

But for most of my adult life, especially since becoming a parent, the holidays were filled with all forms of anxieties. How can it not when I have to create a magical experience for the 4 humans who depend on me, to cook the meals, bake the desserts, create and mail the cards, purchase all the presents, decorate the house (inside and outside), keep up with the regular day to day activities and be on top of anything else that pops up in the moment. Just writing that sentence is enough to bring back some of those old, outdated feelings.

In order to find this inner peace my soul had so desperately been longing for, I had to learn to navigate those inner negativities and sit down and have breakfast with them. I found out what they want and what they were there to teach me. You see peace isn’t something that comes naturally for most people, it’s something we have to work at to achieve. Peace is a wisdom that comes from experience. From showing up, failing, and showing up to do it again… over and over, and over again.

I’ve created a list of my top 5 tips for maintaining inner peace specifically during the holidays. These tips can be applied at any time and in any area of your life but for the purposes of this article, I chose to apply them to the holiday season.

1. Saying yes to everything doesn’t serve anyone.

When I’m not able to give 100% of myself, everyone suffers, especially me. I spent the majority of my life being a people pleaser. I said yes to everyone and everything, even when everything inside me was screaming to say no. Saying yes when we want to say no, results in feelings of resentment, anger, etc. Often, if not always, the person we said yes to will feel the same feelings towards us or the work that we were asked to do because they can feel that our heart wasn’t in it. It’s ok and even a requirement in life to say no.

2. I had to learn to let go of the outcome and to trust and enjoy the process.

Everything in life is a journey, not a destination. Most of my stress came from the need to control everything. I again had these perfectly scripted movies in my head down to every last detail. Here’s the problem, I have 4 children and a husband. None of them saw my movie and usually didn’t want any part in it. Things are bound to happen that were outside of my control and this made me crazy. My family wanted the control of their own life, not for me to control theirs. It was a losing cycle for everyone. It’s ok to have ideas but I had to learn how to go with the flow and adapt when necessary.

3. The Peace of the holidays only happens when I experience the holidays.

To really experience something, I have to be fully present mentally, not just physically present. When my mind is too busy stressing, worrying or planning, I’m completely missing everything that’s happening in this moment around me. All I will ever have in my life is this exact moment right now. I will never have tomorrow or be able to go back to yesterday. It’s now. It’s only now. And it will only ever be now. The beauty is here. The magic is here. The love is here. The gratitude is here. The joy is here. The Peace is here. Right now. Period.

4. Perfection is that magical unicorn that doesn’t even exist.

Our culture has us believing that perfection is real. If we somehow achieve it, then we in fact are enough and therefore good mothers, parents, families, etc. The better my outside world looked, the worse my inside one felt. I was a fraud, a fake. Until the day I woke up and questioned this belief. Do I need this in order to be enough? To be a good mom? How are these beliefs serving me? I think we all intellectually know that the answer to all of these questions is no. These exterior things have zero reflection on who any of us are as a spiritual being. But when our deepest beliefs reflect feelings of unworthiness and not enoughness, we need to find ways to overcome it.

Culture tells us to look outside of ourselves to fill the void. But in reality, it feels like we are all hiding behind this mask of perfection yet we are all dying to be shed from the unrealistic pressures of it. My worth as a woman, as a mother, as a wife, as a human, should never, ever be tied to my ability to keep things looking perfect on the outside all the time. I have instead learned that my worth comes from a deep connection to myself and to my soul. I was always worthy, I was just looking for it in the wrong places. My worth comes from inside. Period. I know who I am, what my gifts are and what I came here to do. When my deepest beliefs reflect that I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am enough, I’m able to set myself free from these self-imposed rules of perfectionism and am therefore free to just be me.

5. I have to accept the is-ness of every situation.

 What does that mean? Meltdowns will happen. The kids will spill milk. Someone might get sick at the worst possible moment. The delivery man might lose the most important package. My car might break down. Life happens. I have zero control of these external situations. What I do have control over is my reaction to them.

When I really started embracing these changes, the craziest thing started to happen: I found peace… real, deep and meaningful inner peace! I experienced fun, joy and peace… all the things the holidays are supposed to bring without all of the other noise, stress and anxiety that I willingly brought upon myself.

The peace of the holidays is available for everyone, we just have to be willing to do the work to bring it into our lives. It’s not this magical unicorn that comes to us in the middle of the night. It is a daily commitment to showing up for ourselves, our families and the world around us. If everyone on earth followed these practices, we would find everlasting peace on earth.

Wishing you and your family an inner world filled with Peace, Magic and Joy this holiday season… and every day thereafter.