6 years ago, I left my family to attend an event that I knew I needed to be at. I went by myself and knew no one there, other than the people I had connected with to share a room. It was scary. I had no idea what to expect. But I knew, I mean I knew in the deepest part of my cells, that I needed to be there.
“Who are you to leave your kids?” I thought. “What kind of mother goes to Vegas without her family? Do you really think you are worthy of changing your life?” But still, the inner pull was strong enough to over come the thoughts
Oh, and did I mention that the dates overlapped with my sons 2nd birthday? Guilt x 10.
As I sat in the arena, everything inside me lit up. I hadn’t felt that alive since I was a kid. I watched those women on stage sharing their stories and I thought “I’m going to be on that stage someday.” I snuck up on the stage after the event so I could solidify the intention.
At the time, I thought that statement meant that I wanted to have a successful Isagenix business like those women on stage. I *thought* I wanted to have the time and financial freedom that they had. I mistook my enthusiasm and followed the path that *they* told me to go on.
You see, our souls speak to us in the places we might least expect it. And sometimes we might misinterpret the message. In my case, I listened to what they were telling me I wanted as opposed to what my heart was telling me, clear as day.
A few years later, I lost the passion for it. that’s what happens when we follow a path that isn’t in alignment with our deepest truths.
I watched how I coached the women I was working with and I watched how many, it not all of them, weren’t successful because of their beliefs about themselves. I had learned what I needed to learn from that company and it was time to move on and find more ways to help them.
I spent the next few years really diving deep into researching and discovering what the deepest driver of human existence was. Every time I would learn a new technique or modality, I thought this isn’t it. I know people want more than this… until one day I discovered it.
And meanwhile, the stage still continued to call me. In the background, I followed speakers. I attended a few online workshops over quarantine but there was this one speaking event that made my heart skip a beat which got canceled due to the lockdown.
Fast forward a few years later and imagine my surprise when the same event is announced again for the first time in over 3 years but at almost 50% more than the initial cost. My mind kept telling me that it was too expensive. That I was crazy to want to fly all the way to Estonia to attend it. Did I really think I could be a speaker?
But my heart told another story. The fear at the thought of not going and watching the others attend was stronger than the fears of going. So I clicked submit and signed up.
That night I had a small panic attack. I’ve barely traveled in these past 3 years and I felt like I might as well be going to the moon. I mean, what kind of mother leaves her kids and travels to the most eastern reaches of Europe to go to a speaking workshop? I knew nothing about Tallinn and felt like I was traveling to another planet. My travel comfort zone had clearly shrunken during the lockdown
I woke up the next day and the initial shock had subsided. I got myself connected to another attendee and that conversation with her helped build up the excitement and anticipation of what was to come.
Whenever I’ve attended anything like this, people always ask, “what are your plans to do with it?” As if humans can’t even exist if they don’t have a plan. We might spontaneously combust if we haven’t perfectly mapped out our futures. And my answer is always as simple as “I have no idea but I just know I need to be there.”
Here I sit in the lounge at Dulles airport ready to embark on my next adventure. I have no idea what is in store for me over these next 10 days and I wouldn’t want to have it any other way.
Oh, and since signing up for this, another opportunity of a lifetime was presented to me which will have me traveling back to Europe in December (who does that, am I right?). But I’ve decided I would rather take the shot than sit at home and wonder. But that’s another story for another day.
For now, I sit in wonder and anticipation for what’s to come. Creating ourselves is about listening to our heart, getting over ourselves and taking risks, taking chances and just going for it.
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